As usual, I, Greg Perry, can repair the problems most others don’t even realize exist.
Sure, of course the government needs to get out of healthcare, but I want to tackle other areas right now that can be implemented immediately.
GregCare Repair #1
What is the first question you ask when you get a test result?
“Is that good or bad?”
Every test seems to have a different scale. Who can keep track of what is normal? Nobody can, that’s the goal of the medical profession. Only the FDA and its approved underlings, the medical school graduates, know what blood tests mean. They are little more than lawyers in white coats, guarding their system.
No more. Under GregCare, that all changes today.
Beginning today, all tests related to any health condition must be graded using a standard school grading system based on a 100% scale. This means, no more worrying if your blood pressure’s top number needs to be under 120? 130? Is 150 too high? or if your vitamin D3 level needs to be… above 40? As high as 75? Nay, I say thee nay!
Starting today, all tests related to any health condition will be graded as, 90 to 100 being an A (“You’re doing great!”), 80-89 being a B (“You’re doing fine”), 70-79 a C (“You’re getting close to problems, we need to monitor to see if the trend is up or down,”), 60-69 a D (“Your health has a pretty bad problem in this area, we need to begin focusing on it immediately!”), and 0-59 an F (“You failed this health test. You’re either dead or going to be if you don’t change your ways, mister!”)
So a good blood pressure would be 94/97. Solid Vitamin D3 levels would be 88. Problems with diabetes would result in a blood sugar test of 62. A fantastic resting heartbeat rate would be 99. A target heartbeat range for maximizing doing cardio would run from 86 to 98, and so on.
Each result has to factor in the patient’s age and weight and health history but that’s the doctor’s problem, not the patient’s. So, an 83-year-old 280-pound man who happens to have okay blood pressure for his situation (say, 141/86 using the out-dated, confusing scale) might get a BP score of 92 (an A!), whereas a 35-year-old man who weighs 157 with the same 141/86 blood pressure reading would receive a C- score of about 71.
Note: Obviously many of the tests would need to be calibrated using an exponential scale and not a geometric scale but that can all be worked out. For Public School math teachers reading this who are now completely confused, ask any home-educated teenager what exponential and geometric scales are.
As it stands now, every test has its own scale and there are hundreds of tests! Thousands!
From the day GregCare is implemented, every person on the planet can get the results of any health-related test and understand the results. Even an 11-year-old public school student (or a 7-year old home-schooled child) will know at a glance if she’s okay or needs work in any area.
Note: The medical establishment will fight this because in general, they don’t want you understanding simple test results. That brings us to the #2 fix next.
GregCare Repair #2
All medicine and malady names will be limited to two syllables at most, one if possible, and they must sound like English words. It’s fine to make up new terms of course. So low-density lipoprotein would now be called, say, lowpro or lowlip. And a decent blood test result for your lowlip would be 83 (as per GregCare Repair #1, 83’s a B).
This simple change will bring a world of medicines and illnesses into the conversations of everyday people who did not go to a decade of medical school to secret talk so others don’t understand them. The doctors and the FDA will fight this, as they will #1, because they don’t like being marginalized when profits are on the line.
GregCare Repair #3
In every hospital room, it’s time to fight costs and FDA middle-man theft.
Each machine by a bed, whether it is a transfusion, IV, heart-rate monitor, everything will now be coin-operated. If multiple machines are by the bed, they all are wired to one coin-in slot, although the more machines by a bed, the lower the amount of time each coin buys the patient.
I must admit, this is not all my idea but I have perfected it as usual. Family members will be forced to take part in their loved ones’ GregCare once again and we can train society to stop relying on handouts from the government (aka, productive, working citizens) to fix what we should be handling.
Note: If you think elderly on fixed incomes and their families can’t afford coin-operated oxygen tanks, then you have never stepped into any casino on earth and looked at who’s chugging silver dollar tokens into the one-arm bandits.
It’s all just Good-n-Healthy Science.